A Singular Man by J. P. Donleavy

By J. P. Donleavy

What is going to occur to George Smith? Mysteriously wealthy and desperately lonely, George seems to be less than assault from all quarters: his former spouse and 4 terrible childrens are suing to get his cash; his dipsomaniacal housekeeper is making an attempt to arouse his carnal curiosity; his secretary, the attractive, blond leave out Thomson, will slightly provide him the time of day. Making concerns even worse are the threatening letters: expensive Sir: just for the instant are we announcing not anything. Yours, etc., current Associates.

Despite such precautions as a two-inch-thick surgical metal door and a bullet-proof limousine, Smith is still fearful. So he undertakes to construct an incredible mausoleum, whole with plumbing, during which to dwell. Hunter S. Thompson referred to as analyzing this publication "like sitting all the way down to a night of excellent whisky and mad laughter in a unprecedented dialog someplace at the fringe of reality."

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La única Marilyn que vi en el cine es Marilyn Brando. Gran actriz. Me mató con su actuación en La Madrina, que para mí es la mejor película de Francesca Ford Coppola. La situación comenzaba a inquietarme. El hasta ese momento insospechado (para mí) delirio de Diana había construido una cinematografía con los sexos invertidos. Aunque no del todo coherente, ya que a Gregory Peck y Jerry Lewis los había dejado intactos. –¿La... Madrina? –Sí. Basada en la novela de María Puzo. –Sí. Ya veo –dije, y luego de mirarla fijamente a los ojos esperando alguna clase de desmentido (una palabra, una sonrisa, o lo que fuese), añadí: –lo que no sé es si me estás tomando el pelo o si estás más loca que mi hermana.

Alfombra. Whisky con hielo. O yogur. Así empecé a desvariar, y a hacerme algunos ligeros toques masturbatorios con la mano desde el bolsillo. Nada serio, nada que hiciera trabajar mucho la próstata. Apenas un aviso, para que ésta supiera lo que le esperaba más tarde y se pusiera en guardia, preparándose para luego estar a la altura de los acontecimientos. Es bueno aclarar que la mano con que realicé estas maniobras secretas, amparado en la opacidad de mi escritorio, fue la izquierda. Para una masturbación plena y completa yo siempre había utilizado la derecha, pero con el pantalón puesto el bolsillo izquierdo estaba mucho más cerca de mi miembro y allí tuve que fijar obligadamente mi base 62 | Leo Maslíah de operaciones.

Qué pasa? –pregunté a Diana–. ¿Siempre atienden en casal, acá? –Parece que sí –dijo ella–. Yo nunca había venido acá, pero sé de varios bares donde es así. –Nunca vi. Pero por lo menos podía haberte atendido el mozo a vos y la moza a mí –dije, bromeando. –Así es en los bares porno –contestó Diana. La mujer loba ataca de nuevo | 33 –¿Bares porno? ¿Y vos qué sabés de eso? –Sólo de oídas –se apresuró a decir ella–. No te sulfures. –¿Se puede saber qué te dio por andar ventilando nuestras intimidades con mi hermana?

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